Drive, Baby, Drive

I stepped out of time, a little. Took a day off and just read. There's nothing like getting caught up in a good book, and music on the stereo, and a nice cozy, warm couch. Mental health day?

Or maybe just a break.

I had a dream that I was driving, the other day. So what? you might think. Everyone drives, right? But no. I don't know how to drive. A true New Yorker, I was raised on the subways, not the highways, and so, I never really had the opportunity, nor the need to learn how to drive.

But the dream... See, now, I used to dream of riding in buses, and boats, and trains and cars. I was the passenger. But when I started to dream of being the one to guide the motion, I realized that it meant I was guiding my own life, not at someone else's mercy.

In this dream, I was driving the car, and I knew how to get where I needed to go, but I didn't really know how to work the car. I had trouble figuring out which was the brakes and which was the gas. I had trouble figuring out the appropriate speed and how to get into the right lane.

Definitely where my life is right now. I feel the changes, I know where I am going, I think, but what do I do in the act of getting there? What is the best move to make? Where is the necessary pedal. Am I going too fast? Not fast enough at all?

I see all the possibilities ahead of me, right now. I'm meeting people who are interested in what I am doing and can help me, but somehow I feel as if I might be missing the chances that are given me. I might be waiting, holding on to safety, braking, rather than stepping on the gas.

But then, maybe I'm not doing anything wrong. Maybe this is the way it works. Maybe I'm just gonna keep going and expect that I will get where I need to go. Accept that I will get where I need to go.